However, the past six months I have been struggling. For awhile I considered leaving the teaching profession because the stress of teaching was consuming me. I was filled with self-doubt about my abilities to teach and whether it was a profession I wanted to be in long-term. Seven interviews did not go in my favor and I took it hard. Never before had I struggled to find a position and I began doubting my abilities even further. In fact, it wasn't until the end of June that I managed to find one. (One that has me excited to teach again!)
In the midst of this I overheard a conversation of someone I admire disparaging themselves over their weight. Not judging mine, but theirs. A beautiful soul who is gorgeous and tiny. If a comment had been said to me about my weight I would have rolled my eyes and ignored it, but hearing her assessment of herself made me evaluate my own weight and it hit me hard. If she was feeling criticism for her size, then how was the world seeing me? Was my weight a factor in my job search going poorly? Was I struggling to meet people for the same reason? The voice in the back of my head started whispering these doubts and I couldn't shake them.
Suddenly nothing fit right and I was uncomfortable talking to new people. I stopped going out of the house and trying to make friends. I withdrew and subsequently gained weight, making the entire problem worse. It has been years since I have struggled with my appearance. Five years to be exact--since today is the celebration of my divorce.
The question becomes-how do you rebuild self-esteem? In teaching extrinsic motivation works only in the short-term. If you give a student a bribe to do their work they will. But over the course of the long-term, they will do less work. It is only by activating their intrinsic motivation that will ensure long-term success. They have to feel it themselves. So while my husband can tell me I am beautiful, it only works for the moment. Long-term I have to feel that way about myself to raise my own self-esteem.
See the problem? How do you stop your own negative voice and replace it with positive thoughts? From experience, the negative voice will squash those positive ones in no time flat. Over the last few weeks, I have slowly been trying to heal the hurt I feel and am doing much better. These are the intrinsic motivators we talked about!
- Distract yourself-Do not wallow. Find things that engage you and keep you busy. Do not allow yourself to wallow in negative thoughts. Personally, I spent a week with my best friend. Nothing like laughter to make a girl feel better!
- Schedule your day-Keep yourself on a schedule. Consistency works at jobs, in schools and for children for a reason. People thrive when they have a plan and their body reacts accordingly. Get up at the same time, know what you are doing for the day, and eat on a schedule. These are little things that lets your body destress.
- Be kind to yourself-When I say something negative about myself my husband always says, "Don't talk about my wife that way." And he's right. If I wouldn't let someone talk about my friends that way, why would I do it to myself? If you catch yourself, replace it with something you admire about yourself.
- Take care of your body-You need to get enough sleep, eat good for you foods, take your vitamins, exercise! A healthy body is one that you can be proud of and it is something tangible you can do. Plus, it is so much easier to be positive when you are taking care of yourself.
- Find your passion-This is probably the most important. Find the things that you give your whole heart to. The things that make you feel beautiful because you are completely tied up in them. There is not room for negativity because your heart is too full. This can be your family, your career, your faith...These are the places where you feel confident and where good things happen. This is an amazing way to rebuild your image of yourself. You are creating a ton of positive examples that you've created yourself. I am working my business, spending time with my son and day-dreaming about my new classroom. I am excited for this year and I can feel my outlook changing!
I hope you do not struggle with low self-esteem, but if you do, just know that you are wonderful. Doctor Who says that, "You are unique in the universe." There will never be another you. Those around you love you for the amazing, complicated creature you are, and I hope you are able to see what they do.
<3 Shelly
What are some ways you deal with low self-esteem?
